Mat Rogers steps out of the shadows with new memoir

If the title isn't enough of a giveaway, the excerpt from Tom Wolfe's Bonfire of the Vanities that prefaces Dual International Mat Rogers' newly released memoir offers a powerful insight into the story that follows.

While 'football' features in the title of A Father's Son: family, football and forgiveness, it's not any kind of spoiler to say this memoir is not a "sports book".

Both codes of football in which he excelled as a duel international feature sparingly because - as he learned in sitting down to write it - they are a small facet of his life story.

"There's footy in there obviously, but the hardest part to write about was footy because it was so boring to me," Rogers tells ACM's Illawarra Mercury

"It's what I did, it wasn't who I am and it wasn't what made me who I am. I loved my career, I'm so grateful for the 17 years I had in professional sport, but the book's not about that.

"The story's about a child growing up in a unique circumstance in the shadow of someone (father Steve Rogers) as big as the game and trying to find his own way, of overcoming the challenges of a public life when tragedy strikes and how you navigate that.

"It obviously touches on [sport] and I tell some stories about some that happened along the way but it's more than a sports book."

It is perhaps what most sets it apart from books of its kind. There's no shortage of books written by athletes in the immediate afterglow of their careers but, now 46, Rogers last kicked a football as a professional with the Titans in 2011.

It was the end of a career in which the highs and lows on and off the field played out painfully public fashion.

He most recently returned to the public eye as a two-time contestant on the reality series Survivor where, perhaps for the first time, people saw the person behind the footballer.

It's where the seeds of the book were sewn.

"Obviously a lot of things happened through my career, but probably just as much has happened afterwards," Rogers said.

"When I retired 10-12 years ago I did have an offer on the table [for a book], but I had in my mind that I needed to have a ghost writer do it because I didn't think I could do it.

"I spoke to the person I had in mind and they couldn't commit the time to do it and I just didn't trust anyone else to do it. I shelved it and thought 'it's not going to happen'.

"I think it was after Survivor when I'd been through a fair bit more in my life with my son being diagnosed with autism, starting our charity and battling a few of my own demons, I think the response [to the show] showed people could relate to it."

The other major difference to books written by former athletes is the fact Rogers spurned the opportunity to utilise a ghost writer, electing to punch out every word and draft himself.

"Given the nature of the book and the things I went through, putting that through the filter of another person it wouldn't have been the same," Rogers said.

"I don't think I'd have been mature enough to do it at the time I retired. I did do a book when I left rugby league to go to rugby union about that switch and I read it now and I shudder and think 'I can't believe I wrote that book'.

"It was well written by my ghostwriter Allan Whittaker, but the content... I just sounded like a kid. I don't think I'd matured into the man I am today and I think that really came after [my son] Max was born.

"When he got that [autism] diagnosis it changed my outlook on a lot of different things, being a husband, being a father and the way I conduct myself and the way I pursue things in my life.

"If you took me back 12 years ago and said 'we'll re-write the diagnosis and Max is going to be a neurotypical child' I'd have said 'do it right now'.

"If you asked me now I wouldn't change a thing."

As the Tom Wolfe passage suggests, fatherhood and how men handle it is a theme that runs through the entire 336 pages.

Rogers became a father to oldest son Jack at just 20 years of age and, for all he dealt with on the pitch, nothing's offered as many challenges as being a dad.

It's the prism through which he looked back at the tumultuous relationship he shared with his own father Steve, a Sharks, NSW and Australian Test legend; a player so good he earned the moniker 'The Prince of Centres'.

It was a shadow that loomed large over Rogers' childhood and early NRL career at the same club at which Steve made his name. It didn't make for smooth sailing in their relationship.

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"I'd go and spend hours in my room crying because I had a good game but Dad would say 'oh you missed two tackles, you dropped that ball'," Rogers said.

"I might have scored three tries and we'd won the game by 20 points but it was just never good enough and it broke me.

"I had a loving mum, an awesome brother and sister I loved to death, but I was just on that constant chase of approval from my dad.

"It wasn't until I wrote the book that I could really reflect on what that did for me, even though I hated it at the time.

"I look at where certain actions came from and they weren't from hate, bitterness, anger. It came out of love and trying to prepare me for a pretty rough and tumble world out there.

"My dad did that for me. I'm grateful for the way he taught me to be resilient and he taught me how to fight for things and not be entitled

"He created that strength inside me that I don't think anyone else could've. I wish he was around now so I could thank him."

Unfortunately Steve is not around having taken his own life at just 51 in 2006. It came just five years after Mat's mum Carol passed away after a battle with cancer.

The loss of both made the process of writing a painful one Rogers feared he couldn't bring to fruition.

"I almost gave up writing the book about three quarters of the way through when I was talking about losing Dad," Rogers said.

"He was just of that ilk that emotions aren't shown, you've got to be tough and don't show anyone you're hurting. Unfortunately that ended his life.

"I just couldn't bring myself to relive it over and over again because you write it and then you send it in to the editor and then you've got to rewrite it so you're constantly going back over it.

"You're checking your memories line up with what actually happened, discovering things that I wasn't aware of.

"It almost broke me. I didn't want to keep writing and I almost got a ghost writer to write the end of it but my wife said 'I'll be here, just start writing again'.

"I didn't write for three months and she said 'get back in there and finish it, you can't have anyone else telling your story'.

"I'm grateful for the end product. It was an amazing experience, one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the most therapeutic experience in the end."

That's the ultimate destination. While he's dealt with tragedy along the way, Rogers insists the book is not a rumination on loss or sadness.

"I certainly don't want people to read this book and think it's all 'woe is me' because there are people out there who've done it a lot harder," he said.

"What I want people to understand is, regardless of your circumstances, you're going to come across challenges in your life.

"I like to think my story is a story about overcoming challenges; that of a young child trying to get the approval of his dad; that of someone who lost his hero and didn't know where to turn; that of someone who went through an ugly divorce; that of someone who has a child diagnosed with autism.

"If you can't relate to all of them, you can relate to one of those things and know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. It's not over because of any one of those things or all of those things.

"I think in the book people will realise through all the tragedy and the turmoil I've been through, I've always tried to find the good and I think it's shaped me into the person I am today."