Just thinking about what Amy Hepburn experienced sends a shudder down your spine.
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The loss of a baby is tragic, and recovering from the experience is long and hard.
This pain, after losing baby Isaiah in January 2017, remains with Amy and her husband Marcquis.
However, she wants to help others.
Amy knows many women struggle when trying to tie the laces of their lives back together after losing a baby.
Last year she and her friend Nicole Hampton, to support of the Stillbirth Foundation, organised the Butterfly High Tea event.
Amy and Nicole never knew how much the event was needed.
Amy will be organising another Butterfly High Tea event on Saturday, October 13 at the Nowra Golf Club to raise awareness and funding for the Stillbirth Foundation and Still Aware.
Last year’s event was an afternoon of unforgettable emotional support and Amy has strong memories of it, but one stands above them all.
She met a woman who lost a child many decades ago.
The woman, a complete stranger, had been bearing a burden of loss for decades.
“The women, in her late sixties, approached us at the end with tears in her eyes, to thank us for giving her an opportunity to acknowledge her baby’s life and passing for the first time, after carrying that grief silently for over 45 years,” Amy said.
“This is exactly why we need an event like this here in the Shoalhaven - there are so many people impacted directly and indirectly by stillbirth and baby loss.”
Nobody could blame Amy for not wanting to face another emotional day and not organise another afternoon tea, but she wants to support others.
Amy will be organising another Butterfly High Tea event on Saturday, October 13 at the Nowra Golf Club to raise awareness and funding for the Stillbirth Foundation and Still Aware.
This year, the event will be held at Nowra Golf Club from 1.30 to 5pm.
Tickets are $50 each (200 available this year) and can be purchased through by booking online at https://www.trybooking.com/book/event?eid=409796&.
Amy talks about her journey
“I think my reasons for running the event are a bit different,” she said.
“Last year it was more about connecting with women through that grief part of the journey.
“What I didn't realise, was just how many women out there are carrying the pain and stigma from child loss, whether miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death, and just how long so many of them have suffered in silence.
“This year, I really want the day to focus around strength and resilience through loss - to give women a chance to connect, to acknowledge their loss.
“We have a tribute video the same as last year, plus the butterfly release this year too, but then to also acknowledge the strength they each have for walking out this journey after a loss.”
Butterfly event to be amazing
Amy and another stillbirth mum will share their journeys at the October 13 event.
A local midwife will share her lifetime of stories of supporting mums and families through the labour and first few days after a loss.
A local singer and accompanying musicians to provide entertainment and there will be doing a live butterfly release on the golf course in memory of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death.
The event is also a fundraiser and if businesses or individuals wish to donate items for raffles and they can email info@butterflyhightea.com or call Amy on 0431 196 536.
Bravery inspires Amy
Amy said there were so many strong and inspirational people in the area.
“I have been so amazed at the strength of the mums I have connected with from the event last year, often just this quiet resilience despite such utter heartbreak,” she said.
It’s a heartbreak that lingers.
“It's not just the initial pain of losing a baby - it's the way it impacts every aspect of your life afterwards,” she said.
Amy said relationships, self-worth, self-talk, your job/career, friendships and relationships with others, your relationship with your kids as a parent, and the obvious ones like how it impacts your thoughts about pregnancy, babies and birth in general are all impacted.
Amy said many people have to find their feet again through their recovery with practically no support.
Fathers also suffer in silence
“There are still no appropriate support services down here, and sadly, so many families breakdown after a loss like this,” Amy said.
“Marriages fall apart, both partners can struggle to work again, the economic impacts of that, and the huge number of people that are diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or PTSD after an event like this.
“I think too, watching my own husband struggle so much, and talking to women about their partners - it has become so evident just how much the partners struggle too.”
Once again this year’s Butterfly High Tea held at Nowra Golf Club on Saturday, October 13 from 1:30-5pm.
Tickets are $50 each (200 available this year) and can be at https://www.trybooking.com/book/event?eid=409796&.
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