The Nowra women both tragically lost a baby this year – Nicole at 16 weeks and Amy at 24 weeks. 

The pair was introduced in July after Nicole organised a fundraising walk for Sands Australia, an organisation that provides miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support.

While it was heartbreaking circumstances that brought them together, they’ve turned their pain towards organising a special event to honour all the babies who never took their first steps. 

A special afternoon tea will be held at Cambewarra Estate Winery on Sunday, October 15 – International Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. 

Tickets are $50 and includes afternoon tea, bubbles on arrivals, live music, games and prizes, a raffle draw and inspiring speakers. The event will run from 2pm to 5pm.

There will also be plenty of raffle prizes up for grabs, including a tandem skydive, a Sydney Harbour cruise, tickets to Wet ‘N Wild and a family photography session with Meant to Be Photography. Dress code is ‘high tea chic’. 

All funds raised will support the Stillbirth Foundation. 

“It’s a fundraiser but our focus is connecting with women in the community and allowing people to talk about the losses,” Nicole said.

The event will also feature a poignant tribute. 

“We’re asking people to send in a photo to honour your baby, so an ultrasound photo or a nice, sentimental family photo and we’ll be putting them together in a video,” Nicole said. 

Everyone is welcome, with the invitation extended to all local doctors, midwives and medical professionals. 

Nicole and Amy are also set to announce their newest venture at the event – a group for bereaved mothers, their partners and children to connect and come together. 

While they were both fortunate to have supportive partners in their toughest time, the lack of support services in the local region became apparent. 

The group will meet once a month at the Nowra Women’s Health Centre from November. 

“I’ve been saying it will be a time for a coffee, a chat or a cry,” Nicole said. 

“It’s a space for no judgement and our long term goal is to be a one stop shop for families that have gone through this.”

The pair said their future goal includes seeing more help available locally for siblings and partners affected by the loss. They would also like to host the group at a building set up just for families dealing with loss. 

Amy received counselling at the Family Care Cottage and while she said they provided “fantastic support” it was a difficult environment to be in, with breastfeeding classes and new mums coming through the door. 

With the equivalent of just one full time counsellor for the Shoalhaven and one social worker at Shoalhaven Hospital, Amy and Nicole also plan to fundraise for a trained 24/7 counsellor available just to deal with pregnancy and infant loss. 

Amy and Nicole welcome everyone to come along to November’s first group gathering, but said there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t feel comfortable with. 

“You don’t have to feel pressured into the support thing, you can talk about anything,” Amy said. 

“It’s been eight months since we lost Isaiah, and up until now I don’t think I would have been ready to sit in a room full of women to do this because the grief is so intense that you just can’t take anything else on.

“My husband has been so supportive but he struggled massively and there was nowhere for him to go. We want to be able to change that.” 

Amy’s baby Isaiah James Hepburn was due earlier this year on her birthday –  three days after Mother’s Day.

Amy, her husband and their three-year-old daughter Charlotte were excitedly planning the little boy’s arrival.

At 20 weeks an ultrasound showed an amnion band, a congenital disorder caused by entrapment of fetal parts in fibrousamniotic bands while in utero.

A terrifying four weeks followed and at 24 and a half weeks Amy felt her baby had stopped moving. 

Isaiah was born soon after. 

“It’s the same labor process and you’re in a ward with all the mums with live babies. The pain is just unimaginable,” Amy said. 

“They have a little butterfly they put on the door for the specialists so they know something has happened.”

Amy and her husband left the hospital with brochures, a form from centrelink to help pay for Isaiah’s funeral, and information on an autopsy. 

“There was three days to when we lost him, gave birth and then left hospital,” Amy said. 

“You get your paperwork in labor, but you’re still catching up with the fact that your baby is dying.

“You’re thrust into a world that you didn’t expect to be in. There’s funeral arrangements to be made, it’s so overwhelming. We didn’t have names picked out because we didn’t even know what gender we were having.” 

Both Nicole and Amy said while their friends tried their best to be supportive, they understand it’s a tough topic to approach. 

They said a stigma associated with the grief of losing a baby became quickly apparent. 

“Some people feel like you shouldn’t be grieving as much as you are, or that there should be a time limit on your grief,” Nicole said. 

“We don’t want to make others uncomfortable so you say you're fine, but you’re falling apart inside.” 

While they understand people don’t always know what to say comments such as “you can have another one” or “it’s God’s way” didn’t help. 

“The one that got me was a lady who said ‘I understand, I had a miscarriage at eight weeks’, which is awful and I feel for her but it’s not the same,” Amy said. 

“I had to give birth, I held my baby. My milk came in for three months. It took three months for my body to let go of the fact that there was no baby.” 

While both women are considering another baby, the joy of pregnancy has been replaced with fear. 

As friends make their own pregnancy announcements, both Nicole and Amy said they’re overjoyed for them, but can’t help feeling anxious. Both hope it’s something their loved ones never have to go through. 

“It impedes every area of your life,” Amy said. 

Nicole and her partner Josh released balloons earlier this year to say goodbye to their baby, while Amy, her husband and Charlotte held a ceremony at Ben’s Walk. 

They played ‘Over the Rainbow’ and released bubbles in Isaiah’s memory. 

“When Charlotte sees bubbles go into the air she says goodbye, like she’s saying it for Isaiah,” Amy said. 

Amy, her husband, father and mates also tackled City2Surf in August, raising money for the Stillbirth Foundation. 

The team raised $4000.

“I was so overwhelmed. I thought ‘it’s our private pain, why would be be interested?’ but people genuinely want to support you,” Amy said. 

Since organising the fundraising walk earlier this year, Nicole has been inundated with messages of support, and those sharing their own story.

Every day in Australia six babies are stillborn. Despite enormous medical and technological advances, the rate of stillborn babies has not declined in two decades. 

Both said by being there for other women, and opening the conversation up, it’s given people an opportunity to share their own grief. 

“I’ve found especially for older women, it was something that was never talked about,” Amy said. 

“My nanna has been so affected by it. It brought everything up from when she lost her baby.”

With their combined effort, Nicole and Amy hope to raise both awareness and funds for important services in the local community, and reach local women. 

“In a weird way, something good has come from our pain,” Nicole said. 

“I hate how Amy and I met, but we would never have connected otherwise.”

For more information, or to purchase tickets or raffle tickets for October’s afternoon tea, contact Nicole on 0432 652 483, or Amy on 0431 196 536.

The Ladies Afternoon Tea Fundraiser page can also be found on Facebook.