McCubbery, a 72-year-old retired community-services executive, is serious about his campaign for Down Under lingo. In fact he and mate Ian "Gruber" Bullock – who drew the cartoons – "got their bums into gear" and produced a range of fair-dinkum greeting cards, coffee mugs, stubby-holders and calendars.

One illustration shows a weather map with the various Australian meteorological zones – "bloody muggy" in the Northern Territory, "dry as a dead dingo's donger" in the Red Centre, "cold as a witch's tit" in Victoria.

Another card is set in a barber shop, illustrating the frenetic pace required by the proverbial "one-armed barber with crabs" – and an insect version featuring the well-known "blue-arsed fly". There is a touch of Bazza McKenzie in the card depicting a drunk clutching the toilet bowl as he "drives the porcelain bus".

The name of the fledgling enterprise, Captain Cootie Cards, borrows from the same source. "From that well-known term of endearment, 'Yer useless little coot'," says McCubbery, conceding that another c-word is sometimes substituted by the less refined. "It's just what we used to hear growing up in the bush. At the country footy, the corner shop, the local pub, talking to people like Bluey, Scrubba, Mudguts and Stretch. I had a mate come over the other day without any grog and he apologised by saying: 'Sorry for not knocking on the door with me elbows'. I enjoy colourful language – it's part of the fun."

However the fun stopped when the boys tried to find an Australian company to put their creations on the market. "We started at the top with the major manufacturers but they didn't get it and no other bastard will have any of them. Our little hearts sank."

McCubbery, who earned his nickname Chooba as a chubby boy (Tubby Tuba), was raised in Mildura and says father Viv had a healthy Aussie vocabulary. Ian "Gruber" (derived from "grubby), 65, was born and raised in Bairnsdale but now lives in Blackburn.

The Captain Cootie lament seems to be supported by the fourth edition of the International Dictionary of Contemporary Slang, printed last year. Only three new Aussie terms made the cut ("ort" for buttocks, "tockley" for penis, "unit" for bogan). Editor Tony Thorne said most new slang in Australia these days was secondhand, coming from Britain or the United States.

This is no surprise to McCubbery. "Producers source their material from overseas," he says, "and display no interest in a local approach".

TALKING STRINE

A head like a robber's dog

As dumb as dog sh*t

Cold as a mother-in-law's kiss

Useless as a glass door on a dunny

Haven't laughed so much since grandma got her tits caught in the wringer

He's as tight as a fish's arse

Eyes like pissholes in the snow

Rushing around like a blue-arsed fly