I SEEM to spend a lot of time sitting at a desk, and all this inactivity is having a major impact on by increasingly round, expanding stomach.
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Yes, there are times even I mistake myself for a kangaroo with a pouch in my front containing a large and unruly child in desperate need for a good dose of discipline.
As a result I sometimes feel the need to ditch the desk, abandon the office, and find a job working in the great outdoors, enjoying the sunshine beating down on my back, and letting the wind blow through the place on my scalp where I once had hair.
Yes, my friends, maybe a job out working on building roads, like the great and glorious country and western songs I learnt as a youngster.
Sadly, however, I do not qualify.
It seems I am ineligible because I am human, rather than Hobbit.
This may seem strange, but I have to assume all the people working in road construction must be Hobbits, because the Middle Earth inhabitants are known to eat seven meals a day - breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper.
And every time I drive past a road construction site, all the workers are sitting down eating, as part of some never ending all-day meal break.
Admittedly I am not 100 per cent sure they are Hobbits, and I have been unable to verify this theory.
Hobbits are known for their diminutive size, but the road workers seem to be sitting down every time I see them, so there is no way of checking their height to verify my theory by judging their appearance standing on their feet.
Hobbits are known to be hard workers when they are not sitting down eating, and I suppose I could picture the road workers actually labouring away, given the progress I occasionally see in the road projects.
Hobbits are also known to love a celebration with plenty of food and ale, and that is something I could definitely imagine our road workers doing, given I have heard them talking and laughing loudly about life in The Shire while driving past as annoyingly slow speeds.
But there is a concern.
While I am all for Hobbits being given equality and the opportunity to find gainful employment building roads for the benefit of the community, and would even be quite happy to work alongside our Middle Earth friends and share their regular meal breaks, I sometimes wonder if that is the best policy.
The constant and regular mean breaks of Hobbits would surely ensure slow progress on any and all road projects, resulting in costs soaring to their current levels beyond the stratosphere and into the absurdities.
Maybe, just maybe, there is a good case for employing only hard-working humans on road projects, minimising the cost, minimising the time projects take to complete, and keeping disruption to a minimum.
Maybe we could give even jobs to fat old office escapees like me.